I, for one, despise the advent of “red pill” commentators who opine about marriage and family being abysmal and an abomination against masculinity. In turn, they unabashedly push promiscuity and profligacy for young men to do. But I argue that marriage is necessary for social stability and believe the push away from it is a grave mistake.
These red-pillers are wrong to suggest that marriage is a scam. In fact, I believe marriage is a badly needed institution. It works well for most men. Without marriage, the majority of men will flounder with their lives, drifting along the currents of anomia and subsequently drowning in the great ocean of destruction and death with their crass inability to think and take responsibility for their lives. Too many men without women end up extraordinarily violent and chaotic, as they don’t have soft femininity as a counter balance for their high-octane masculinity. To add the ingredients of promiscuity and profligacy is to create something akin to an atomic world that would become a destroyer of the world. It would be so bad that nations would have to conspire with one another to start phony wars just to rid themselves of the excess uber-masculine young men who lack wives and children.
But why is it that young, unmarried men flounder in this manner? It must be because they don’t possess a purpose beyond themselves. They live their life based upon what is good for them instead of others. Many might be well meaning and seek to be selfless, but their actions often betray their words. It isn’t as simple as making a firm declaration that one will change and become selfless. It takes inspiration, dedication and a strong push from an external force to make such a declaration transmute into consistent action. And oftentimes, that external force comes in the form of a woman and societal expectations. And hence, marriage is the institution that can accomplish a woman’s desire for relationships and society’s need for social stability.
But one can be quite solemn when looking upon marriage. Deep within a man’s psyche is the fear of self-mutilation of their masculinity. For marriage usually benefits the desires of women. Marriage provides safety, security and commitment. These are things women cherish and value. Whereas men seek insecurity, adventure and commitment to a worthy cause. When a man stays in a marriage, he feels himself wilt more and more into the monotony of marriage. The same routine of picking up the children; of buying the same food; of consulting with his wife on a matter; of noting her feelings on trivial matters. Pretty soon he feels as though he were imprisoned the more adventurous and ambitious he is.
Marriage has a bit of a “Hotel California” effect on men. It is fairly easy to marry a woman but it is inordinately difficult to end a marriage without bearing great damage. And with the laws decidedly against men, the legal incentives that were once lucrative have now become meager. A 18th century Russian pauper in the steppes of Siberia working as a sexton or grave diggers had more rights through marriage than a corporate executive at a California-based startup today. With the majority of the benefits of marriage for men formerly depleted, it becomes even harder for more men to desire to marry. And the married men who wish to leave stay because it is too costly to leave.
Just because I champion the institution of marriage does not mean I like it. I dislike institutions greatly, but I see how vital they are for social stability. Many married men aren’t particularly happy. They lose freedom to do what they want as they must make decisions with others in mind. The natural selfishness that flourishes like a great fire amongst men is stamped out like a quiet match in family life. But one must consider the converse of marriage. If men are afforded great freedom with their lives, what will they use their freedom for? Isn’t it likely that they will abuse it and render society helpless against their terrorizing influence over the culture? I would argue that the Mongols would look like pious Quakers compared to men’s deepest masculine proclivities unleashed to society and the world. Marriage is a way to temper men’s natural ferocity to civilizing levels. It is thus indispensable for social stability.
One must come to the grim conclusion that nothing in this world is perfect. There will always be trade offs in everything one does. But before one throws the baby out with the bathwater, one must consider the alternative carefully. And then one must determine whether the alternative is worth adopting. This exercise alone will disabuse someone of the notion that marriage is obsolete. But the culture thinks otherwise so I can only stand afar, watch and observe. A fellow’s opinion like mine isn’t welcomed at this time.